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Murphy's Laws of Armor

• Just after you report "Redcon 1" for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak.
• The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank.
• You will run out of fuel before he returns
• Tanks don't float
• if a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to "Think it over."
• Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank in becoming mired also.
• The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all the blame falls on the line units
• For this reason, the staff will not publish the operations order until after the exercise is completed.
• Night vision devices will only fail at night.
• They will function perfectly well once the sun rises.
• The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of "constructive criticism" from somebody in a pristine uniform.
• The heater on your tank will fail in October. The part to repair it will arrive in April.
• No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V.
• Arguing with the medics about receiving an I.V. will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).
• When loading the main gun, remember: "pointy end first."
• The only times you will throw a track are: a. At night, b. In the rain, c. during the movement back to garrison, or d. One hour after you installed the new ones.
• You vehicle will go NMC right after the contact team leaves the AO.
• All infantry fighting vehicles don't look alike.
• Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters.
• When you are told your engineer support was needed elsewhere, the bridge will be out.
• The exercise will finish and you'll get back to garrison just after the wash rack closes.
• If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes — the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are the infantry.
• The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up.
• "Rebel yells" are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII shoot.
• XO math: 3 pacs on the ground + no fueler + 2 deadlines = 100% FMC.
• Close air support is the safest from far away.
• Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else's track.
• Hearing an "Aw, shit" soon after an "on-the-way!" means you're probably not getting that promotion.
• Tanks are very easy to see unless you've dismounted and they're backing up.
• The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have a misfire.
• "GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER" is not an appropriate use of ammunition.
• It is cruel to tell NBC types "Damn, that Fox looks like a BMP!" — particularly when live rounds are being issued.
• Blackout drive + autobahn + 0345 = polizei.
• Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel.
• When doing a gunnery, the tank is always operational until you get to the ready line.
• If you are promised "downtime," what they really mean is: You will be breaking track.
• First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 each and sell for $1.00 each — with the profits going to the unit fund.